Longest and Shortest
    A teacher asked one of his students: "What is the longest and what is the shortest?"
    The student answered immediately: "The last several minutes of a class is the longest, while the last several minutes of an exam is the shortest."

最长和最短
老师问他的一个学生：“什么最长什么最短？”
学生立刻回答：“一堂课的最后几分钟最长，一场考试的最后几分钟最短。”


   艾玛 。 到处追贴 。
        - -。 不过很有质量 。
       涐喜欢 。 楼楼加油 

They   Are All Dead
Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century?
Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead.

他们都死了
老师：你能告诉我关于18世纪的伟大科学家的一些什么事情吗？
学生：是的，先生。他们都死了。


【什么叫到处追贴，明明就发了一贴。】
Wonderful
Boy: Doctor, will I be able to play the violin after this cast comes off my wrist?
Doctor: Certainly, my son.
Boy: Wonderful! I've never been able to play the violin before.

太好了！
男孩：医生，我手腕上的石膏弄下去之后，我能拉小提琴吗？
医生：当然能了，孩子。
男孩：太好了！我以前一直都不会拉小提琴。


Hair
Tom: How did you lose your hair?
Jack: Worry.
Tom: What did you worry about?
Jack: About losing my hair.

头发
汤姆：你怎么脱发了？
杰克：因为烦恼。
汤姆：你为什么事感到烦恼？
杰克：为我脱发。
【-86L 不过还是感谢你来看啊。喜欢就好。长期支持吧。恩横。摸摸乖孩子。】

Shut Up
Doctor: Please open your mouth, madam.
Lady: Thank you very much, doctor.
Doctor: Why do you thank me?
Lady: Because my husband always asked me to shut up.

闭嘴
医生：请张开嘴，夫人。
女士：非常感谢，医生。
医生：为什么你要感谢我呢？
女士：因为我丈夫总是叫我闭嘴


The Truth
       The guest was leaving. He said to the host's little son, "Tom, would you like to see me off at the bus stop?"
      "No, sorry," said the boy.   "I'm hungry.   Mother said we won't have dinner until you leave."

实话
客人准备离开。他对主人的小儿子说：“汤姆，你愿意到汽车站送我吗？”
“不，对不起，”孩子说道，“我饿了。我妈妈说你走了我们才开饭。”


Beat the Champion
Tom:I have beaten a champion at Chinese chess.
Mom: Wonderful!   You've done a good job!
Tom: But he is the tennis champion.

战胜冠军
汤姆：我下象棋战胜了冠军。
妈妈：太好了！你干得不错。
汤姆：可是，他是网球冠军。


You Married Mine
"Daddy,"said the little boy,"I want to get married."
"Oh!"said his father jokingly,"Who did you have in mind?"
"Grandma."said the little boy.
"Wait a minute,"said his father."You didn't think I'd let you marry my mother, did you?"
"Why not?"said the little boy."You married mine."

你娶了我的母亲
“爸爸，”小男孩说：“我要结婚。”
“哦！”他父亲开玩笑地说：“你的意中人是谁呢？”
“奶奶。”小男孩说。
“等一下。”他父亲说：“你不会以为我会让你娶我的母亲吧？”
“为什么不呢？”小男孩说：“你娶的就是我母亲。”


Did your father help you
     One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?"
"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim.

你爸爸帮你了吗？
    一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？"
   "不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"


    After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

和相亲对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”“谢天谢地！”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”
【大家看懂没。两个人彼此受不了对方。】


Asking a question  
During the computer class, the teacher chastised one boy for talkingto the girl sitting behind him.  
"I was just asking her a question, " the boy said.  
"If you have a question, ask me," the teacher replied.  
"OK," the boy answered. "Do you want to go out with me Friday night?"  

问问题        
计算机课上，老师批评一个男生，因为他和后边的女生说话。  
“我只不过问她一个问题。”男生说。  
“如果你有问题，问我好了。”老师说道。
“那好吧，”这个男生说，“周五晚上你愿意和我一起出去吗？”


A good box of matches.  
    Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches. When Tommy came back, mother asked him, "Didyou buy a good box of matches?"
   "Yes, Mum." Tommy replied, " I have tried them all."

一盒好火柴。        
     妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。 汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”  
    “是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”


Half Price  
Jack: My daughter's music lessons are a fortune to me.  
John: How is that?  
Jack: They enabled me to buy the neighbor's houses at half price.

半价        
杰克：我女儿的音乐课对我来说就是一笔财富呀。  
约翰：这是怎么回事呢？  
杰克：因为音乐课使我们只用半价就买下了邻居的房子。


The Absent-minded Professor.  
     The absent-minded professor shouted: "Kate, come to the  
     blackboard!"  
     Another student says, "Kate is absent, Professor."
     "Silent! Let Kate speak for herself."

心不在焉的教授    
    
    粗心的教授大声地喊道：“凯特，到黑板前面来！”  
    另外一个学生说：“教授，凯特没来。”  
    “别说话，让凯特自己讲。”