翻译了一首英文诗，求指教，求修改。

YOU ARE MY LIGHT
by Chains of Entanglement
I watched you from the shadowsAbsorbed by darkness you wereNever a tear you shedBut inside you're cryingBut you hide it all so wellIt used to make me wonderI wanted to know if I could do the sameBut now I know I canHe killed them allAll of them gone foreverNever to returnAnd I was left all aloneNow I understand your painBeing alone can hurtNo one understands meExcept youYou would lay beside meDeep in your slumberAnd I would lay next to youLoving you glad that you understandYou became my lightEven though you too were in the darkYou saved me from my darknessSo now the darkness is goneBut as my desire for revenge grewYou saw the darkness that surroundedEven though I don't noticeYou planned to save me againYou left that fateful nightWord that you wouldn't return was spokenAnd news soon followedHe was finally deadYou died for meSaving me from that darkness,The darkness of revengeThe one I had almost fallen intoSo now I mourn over youYet, silently I thank youThat you saved me from it allIt's a love I've never feltYour undying love for meThe love that made you sacrifice,Everything including your lifeAll for me

I watched you from the shadows
Absorbed by darkness you were
Never a tear you shed
But inside you're crying
But you hide it all so well
It used to make me wonder
I wanted to know if I could do the same
But now I know I can
He killed them all
All of them gone forever
Never to return
And I was left all alone
Now I understand your pain
Being alone can hurt
No one understands me
Except you
You would lay beside me
Deep in your slumber
And I would lay next to you
Loving you glad that you understand
You became my light
Even though you too were in the dark
You saved me from my darkness
So now the darkness is gone
But as my desire for revenge grew
You saw the darkness that surrounded
Even though I don't notice
You planned to save me again
You left that fateful night
Word that you wouldn't return was spoken
And news soon followed
He was finally dead
You died for me
Saving me from that darkness,
The darkness of revenge
The one I had almost fallen into
So now I mourn over you
Yet, silently I thank you
That you saved me from it all
It's a love I've never felt
Your undying love for me
The love that made you sacrifice,
Everything including your life
All for me


总算。翻译放下面。
你是我的灯 by chains。。
我在阴影里看着
被黑暗吞噬的你
一滴泪也不肯流的你
内心哭泣着
却隐藏得不着痕迹
曾经 我很好奇
好奇着 我能否也做到
而现在 我知道了 因为
他杀了大家
全部
永远
不再回来
我成为孤单一人
于是 我理解了你的痛
孤独会很痛
无人理解的痛
除了你
你会在我身边
沉沉睡去
而我在你身边
爱你 为你的理解而欣然
你成为了我的灯
尽管同样身处于这黑暗
却将我救出我的黑暗
所以黑暗不再
但 我复仇的欲望在滋长
滋长在不经意间
于是 你决定再次救赎我
那个夜晚你离开了
留下不再归来的话语
消息传来
他死了
你为我而死
将我救出我的黑暗
复仇的黑暗
我曾几乎堕入的黑暗
我为你哀悼
谢谢你
将我救赎
那是
我从不知晓的爱
你不曾消亡的爱
你为之牺牲的爱
一切一切 包括生命
都是
为了我


这是火影背景佐助视角写鸣人的——
总之= =新手球指教。

我在阴影里凝望
被黑暗吞噬的你
一滴泪也不肯流的你
内心哭泣着
那看不见的悲伤
曾经 我很想知晓
想知晓 我能否做到
如你一般
而今 答案我已得到 因为
那个男人 杀了大家
全部
永远
不再回来
我成为孤单一人
于是 我理解了你的痛
孤独会很痛
无人理解的痛
除了你
你可以在我身边
沉沉睡去
而我在你身边
爱你 为你的理解而欣然
你成为了我的光
同样身处于这黑暗
却将我救出
黑暗不再
但 随着复仇的欲望滋长
你看到了袭来的黑暗
尽管我从未意识到
于是 你决定再次救赎我
那个夜晚 你离开了
留下不再归来的话语
而后消息传来
那个男人死了
你亦为我而死
将我救出我的黑暗
复仇的黑暗
我曾几乎堕入的黑暗
我为你哀悼
默默感激你
将我救赎
那是
我从不知晓的爱
你不曾消亡的爱
你为之牺牲的爱
一切一切 包括生命
都是
为了我
==========自修一次version1.0

一滴泪也不肯流的你
内心哭泣着
那悲伤 竟被你藏得那么好
曾经 我很想知晓
想知晓 我能否做到
如你一般
而今 答案我已得到 因为
那个男人 杀害了全族
大家 全都
永远
不再回来
我成为孤单一人
于是 我理解了你的痛
孤独会很痛
无人理解的痛
除了你
你可以躺在我身旁
陷入沉眠
而我在你身边
爱你 为你的理解而欣然
你成为了我的光
同样身处于这黑暗
却将我救出
令黑暗不再
然而 复仇的欲望在滋长 悄悄地
你看到了那围拢的黑暗
在我 意识到之前
你决定再度救赎
那个夜晚 你离开了
留下不再归来的话语
而后消息传来
那个男人死了
你亦为我而亡
将我救出黑暗
复仇的黑暗
我曾几乎堕入的黑暗
我为你哀悼
默默感激你
将我救赎
那是
我从不知晓的爱
你不曾消亡的爱
你为之牺牲的爱
一切一切 包括生命
都是
为了我
===============================自修ver 1.1

能不能一行英语一行翻译，这样看挺麻烦的。

I watched you from the shadows 我在阴影里凝望
Absorbed by darkness you were    被黑暗吞噬的你
Never a tear you shed    一滴泪也不肯流的你
But inside you're crying 内心哭泣着
But you hide it all so well    那悲伤 竟被你藏得那么好
It used to make me wonder    曾经 我很想知晓
I wanted to know if I could do the same 想知晓 我能否做到
   如你一般
But now I know I can 而今 答案我已得到 因为
He killed them all 那个男人 杀害了全族
All of them gone forever 大家 全都
Never to return 永远
不会再回来
And I was left all alone 我成为孤单一人
Now I understand your pain 于是 我理解了你的痛
Being alone can hurt 孤独会很痛
No one understands me    无人理解的痛
Except you 除了你
You would lay beside me    你可以躺在我身旁
Deep in your slumber 陷入沉眠
And I would lay next to you    而我在你身边
Loving you glad that you understand    爱你 为你的理解而欣然
You became my light    你成为了我的光
Even though you too were in the dark 同样身处于这黑暗
You saved me from my darkness    却将我救出
So now the darkness is gone    令黑暗不再
But as my desire for revenge grew    然而 复仇的欲望在滋长 悄悄地
You saw the darkness that surrounded 你看到了那围拢的黑暗
Even though I don't notice 在我 意识到之前
You planned to save me again 你决定再度救赎
You left that fateful night    那个夜晚 你离开了
Word that you wouldn't return was spoken 留下不再归来的话语
And news soon followed 而后消息传来
He was finally dead    那个男人死了
You died for me    你亦为我而亡
Saving me from that darkness,    将我救出黑暗
The darkness of revenge    复仇的黑暗
The one I had almost fallen into 我曾几乎堕入的黑暗
So now I mourn over you    我为你哀悼
Yet, silently I thank you    默默感激你
That you saved me from it all    将我救赎
   那是
It's a love I've never felt    我从不知晓的爱
Your undying love for me 你不曾消亡的爱
The love that made you sacrifice,    你为之牺牲的爱
Everything including your life 一切一切 包括生命
All for me 都是
为了我


= =|||这么对会不会破坏整体感。。。。

看到了，先帮顶，过两天细看。

好像押韵还不够。还有一些能改进的地方，比如：All of them gone forever 你翻译成 大家 全都
后文的确又有“永远不会再回来”，但单看这句其实可以翻译成“他们都离开了”然后再加一个“一去不复返”

这诗写得很感动...

离开了好像是主动的，其实是被人杀掉的，有点不对头

一去不复返挺好的
押韵的话= =表示。。。无力。。我尽量