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【某队专用】雅思作文修改点评估分贴

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1LBD
自己为自己专开的楼,以后每做一次作文都在这里发,然后银子姐要帮忙改啊!!!


1楼2012-02-03 15:06回复
    t2:题干:today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case?What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge of experience.
    作文:
    Trvelling is becoming more and more popular among not only young guys but also the old. We can see much more visitors at the "must-sees" or even at a very small restaurant away from the center of the city.
    Why are people interested in travelling? Obviously they want to go out to see the life happening at the other place. They are always found to expreience somethingnew and something that doed not often happen in the place they live in. Another major reason is that people become ticher than before. So that they can afford the fee while travelling. Also, being rich have competition between us increased so much that we are always under stress. One of the most effective way to reduce stress is to have a trip to let ou minds relaxed.
    I am a student who faces stressful graduation examination. The work for me is either too hard or too meaningless. I got upset with my work, so my mother brought me to America to make me relax. When I first got in San Fransisco and saw the blue sky, my mind suddenly got quiet, just like a peaceful river. In the two weeks, I played on the green meadow, sat down at the edge of Grand Canyon, and saw a cheering team of a school training. It was an unforgettable and important experience for me. I learnt a lot. And when I returned to school, I was full of energy to work on my studies and finally received good exam results.
    In a word, there're so many advances of travelling: To let us think, to open our eyes, to relax ourselves, and to increase our knowledge. So ,why don't peopletravel?


    3楼2012-02-03 15:31
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      嗯,收到。话说G类作文有什么要求,这个我倒是不了解


      4楼2012-02-03 16:38
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        。。。那就帮忙改改吧


        5楼2012-02-03 16:42
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          嗯~。会帮你改的~


          6楼2012-02-03 16:43
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            谢谢!


            7楼2012-02-03 16:51
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              插一句。。。我的流量啊。。。。。。


              IP属地:江苏来自Android客户端8楼2012-02-03 17:54
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                ?。。。


                9楼2012-02-03 18:00
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                  手机上的。。。流量和电刷刷的往下掉啊。。不灌水了88


                  IP属地:江苏来自Android客户端10楼2012-02-03 18:03
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                    回来了。咱先改一篇哈,明天还要上班,得早点睡


                    11楼2012-02-03 23:06
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                      第一篇批改:
                      【第一句:I recently moved to a new house at the edge of the city. 】
                      不知道你是不是想表达市郊,用edge也可以,另外还可以说in the suburb of the city,个人感觉suburb在这里会合适一点。
                      【第二句:The one I lived before was so noisy and the contract was over】
                      句可以直接衔接在第一句后面,句首加上because,然后用逗号隔开。这样语句更有衔接性。
                      合同到期用over是不大合适的,可以用expire。延伸:expiration date是到期日,这个在国外的生活中很常用。
                      【第四句:I don't miss it for there was so much cars in the street with a lot of pollution. 】
                      如果我是你,我大概这么写,It’s not regrettable of leaving my old residence because lots of cars pass by and they produce air pollutions.
                      注意,写的快的时候,千万别写错可数和不可数的修饰词,much cars这种错误,相信你肯定是不小心手误了。
                      【第五句:Oppositely, the new house is near a quiet house wich always receives wild animals. And I can hear virds singing ing the tree everyday. 】
                      相反地,可以用on the contrary.
                      后面半句,不是很通顺,可以改改,比如,my new house is in a very quiet area, and you will often see small animals there. For instance, birds are singing everyday on the trees.
                      【第六句:厨房那个单词拼错了,是kitchen】
                      【第七句:I don't have so much furniture yet, so it seems to be wider than it will be.】
                      so much furniture, 应该改成many furnitures。后面半句的表达,可以写成so all the rooms are spacious.这里的宽敞,用wide我认为不大合适的。
                      【第八句:Everyday in the morning I can view the green meadow with a twinkle stream and golden sun by my window, would you like to enjoy this with me? 】
                      Everyday in the morning,其实可以直接写Every morning。西方英文写作里,切忌表达累赘,这个昨天小星火的文章里我也点过,注意哈,宗旨就是表达意思到位,但要精准扼要。
                      by my window,写成out of my window或者from my window可能更合适。


                      12楼2012-02-04 00:04
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                        【总批】
                        晓小的作文总体还是不错的。但是要仔细,雅思考试时间安排可能比较紧张的,作文写得快,还要保质,第一篇文章里拼错了好几个词,还有两个地方应该是可数修饰,写成了不可数。这些都是可以避免的,不该掉分的地方千万小心哈。


                        13楼2012-02-04 00:06
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                          嗯嗯,谢谢!
                          各种无语的错误。。。捂脸路过。。。
                          这要是我们英语老师不得把我批成两半。。。啊丹丹姐饶了我吧!「疯话ing」。。。


                          14楼2012-02-04 11:49
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                            哈哈。还要注意句与句之间使用连词或连接性短语哦,虽然文章没什么大错,但是词句太单一了


                            15楼2012-02-05 11:07
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                              用词是没办法了,词汇量就到这儿了。。。
                              对了问一下两篇作文各写多少字合适?


                              16楼2012-02-05 11:58
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