【冷笑话】Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt." 不知道是谁第一个看见母鸡，就敢说：“看见那只鸡没有?我就等着吃从它屁股里面滚出来的东西。”

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? 不慎的时候只要一根火柴就足以引发森林大火，而想点燃一堆篝火却需要整整一盒火柴，真纳闷。

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" 不知道是谁第一个看见母牛，就敢说：“我要使劲挤一挤那两排倒吊着的玩意儿，流出来的是啥俺就喝啥”?

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? 你是否注意到，这年头，自从有了数码摄录机，就再也没人象以前那样老是说不明飞行物的事情了。

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. 如果放在家里的东西找不回来，最容易的办法就是去买个新的回来。

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. 园艺定律：区分益草和害草的办法是，拔出来试试——如果很容易拔掉，就证明它是益草。

就这么点事】凶残的人beast——鄙视他 ,成年人adult——爱叨特,终止cease——息事, 混乱chaos——吵死, 设想 conceive——肯思悟, 酒精alcohol ——爱个喝 , 监禁durance——丢人事, 5美分nickle ——你抠, 傻的daft——打发他

【由起床而划分社会阶层】五点民工migrant worker，六点学生student，七点蓝领blue-collar，八点白领white-collar ，九点商人 businessman，十点老板boss，十一点文人scholar，十二点艺人artist，十三点小 姐 bargirl ，除去自由职业者 Freelance 。亲们，你都几点起床？

【上班族的一周】monday星期一=忙day，tuesday星期二=求死day，wednesday星期三=未死day，thursday星期四=受死day，friday星期五=福来day，saturday星期六=洒脱day，sunday星期天=伤day

【趣味广告牌-东京某饭店】Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.请禁止偷窃旅馆手巾。如果你不是做这样的事的人，那就是要请你不要读这个告示。

【趣味广告牌-意大利某酒店】This hotel is renowned for its piece and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.本酒店以其品静和孤独闻名于世。事实上，世界各地很多人成群结队的跑到这里享受孤独。

趣味广告牌-俄勒冈某商店窗口】Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?为什么要去其它地方上当受骗呢？ 到我们这儿来就行啊

趣味广告牌-曼谷某寺】It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.禁止进入女人，哪怕是女扮男装的外国女人。

世界上最2的一句英文】没错，它就是“1：58到2：02”，请大声朗读：two to two to two two.