Renting a room has shown the first sign of the long battle against temptation. Do you call it desire? Do you call it necessity? Will I be strong enough to convince myself?
Oh, my love. I'll never give up, and I'll never change.
However, I'm still gonna rent a room of 1600 per month, which is damn expensive to my opinion. Oh well, we ARE in Beijing, but I HATE spending money...
I was considering that 500 per month tiny cell, you know? But turned out my family will never accept it. If they ever come here and visit me, I'm in deep shit... Yeah, you know what I mean.
You gave me the advice of going to a farther area to rent a cheaper room and be in a quieter place. And you also warned me that I'll face unfair judgement. But I'm not really following your advice, am I?
I know, this is just the first taste of "choice". But I can do it. Please, just allow me some time to get accustomed to this society. I need experience.

1600 just turned into 2000, SHIT
I'm NOT SUPPOSED TO SPEND SO BLOODY MUCH
Parents are happy, though. Because I somehow found a room close to my working place.
SHIT
Don't call that "desire". Call it "parents pressure".
...I'm still using their money, so the choice is not really mine to make Orz

Back to 900~1200 per month. Do you know why?
I've decided to give away my rat.
That hurts a bit and I've shed some tears. How funny, I thought I had seen enough dying and leaving and should have been immune by now.
Am I becoming more human or more boring?
Or both?
Never mind.
I really wish to turn it into a small furry decoration that I could carry around with me. But everyone is against it. Oh come on - who's gonna become a psychopath just because of killing a pet? Not very practical, thank you. And don't forget that I'm already a pervert BEFORE that, geez!
Still hurts.
But yeah, don't you remember the point of "freedom"? I'm now choosing "nothing" instead of "everything". This is indeed more like me.
No marriage, no children, and now no pet, gosh that's quite something
But later on I will be able to have some other pet. I need a pair of dogs to ensure some kind of safety...
...You know, maybe learning kongfu is better than that.
But as you always say, "you need someone, or at least something". And if you insist, I'll get "sth" in future when I can afford it.
A pet. Do you realise that we can have as many pets as we want if we totally set ourselves free? Into the forest and far, far away from this? The earlist dream I've ever had... The life we both missed... Serenity, freedom, and ultimate solitude, it's like we're the pets and we're breaking free.
That, however, is nowhere near my "goal".
What a pity.
I'll go on. I have you with me. As long as I live, you live as well. I can abandon anything but I'll never ever abandon you; you're with me forever. Forever. Forever.