And the bizaare thing is I can*t tell anyone about this - it appears to be stupid and such an unnecessary fuss and nobody will understand. But I can always write about it in my fanfic, and hope for a brighter future for my characters. They struggled and fighted for more than 20 years in that universe so they pretty much earned it. I haven*t started my journey yet so I guess it*s my fate to go through a similar period of misery and loss and see what comes out of it.
Did I mention I really want someone to hold me without making judgement and making me feel like a loser. That*s how fragile my heart is and the kind of love I need - something that makes me feel safe and healed.