•1,So you feel very depressed. So 不适用于首句,尤其是在前面有个But。语法上虽没错,但读起来给人以不通顺的感觉。 因此,把so换成 as such会更好(前面是逗号,不是句号。) 2,you must always remember the most important task for you today is to concentrate your attention on your studies. 这句话语法上没有错,但是过于“中式”,读起来非常僵硬,若能改为 “you must always remember that you are still a student today and studies should be your first (imperatve)prioty.”
•3,A famous saying goes——Frugality is the mothor of virtue. 在连接上有点问题。 而且说实话,这句之前的那句非常奇怪。我懂它打算说什么,但是翻译的不好,我不确定老外是否能看懂。不懂怎么下手改,就怕我想的和作者想的不一样,所以不改了。在连接上,应该在前面加as 连到上一句。然后Secondly作为下一段开头,不需要So.
•4,...to learn live... 这里语法上就不对。应该是to learn to live in... 而且,这句话太过“中式”,翻译的不好。 如果可以,可以改为“It is commendable/applaudable/admirable to live in frugality/uphold the virtue of frugality.”
•6,"you will find the virtue of frugality will benefit you a lot in your later life." 语法上没有什么错,但读起来非常的怪,不太通顺,过于“中式”,如果可以,建议可以改为"you will discover the beauty of frugalty which will benefit you greatly in your later life. note:英文好的,可以把副词“greatly”换成一个高级的词语,如commendably,meritoriously etc.
7,最后一段没什么错,但是若想写一篇优秀的文章,你要非常注意你所使用的语气。例如,这篇文章是朋友之间的对话,所以语气上可以不用太formal,但是既然是劝导型的回信,那语气上就该是pursuasive,因此,不能是命令型(demanding)。最后一段就太过于肯定,以至于显得有些命令型。 如果可以,可以改为: I really hope that you can understand what I am trying to say/convey/,and I would definitely like to see you adopting a (new)positive attitude towards life. Hope my letter finds you well and wish you all the best.