I always knows that I'm not the celebrity and the world isn't surrounding me. But as I grow the feeling of displacement also grows. Even though I'm not a person that have some features that would be likely to be discriminated, I still feel kind of the same as Maya.

Maybe it's because of my communicating skills are going backward, i just can't find the place for me. I'm not moving a lot, but I still don't feel like there's a place that I always longing to go back. Maybe Guanghua can be considered one, not so sure.

Perhaps I'm being cynical...but I do feel this corrupting world we live in is almost destroyed by humans ourselves. I feel terrible when I saw the white-roofed or glass-covered edifices and buildings. Our desires just won't stop until the end has came.

To achieve the desires, it seems like people can do whatever to reach their aims even if they are unethical or illegal. I know I'm being naive 'cause I'm still trying to think things will turn out to be the best way it can be. Rejecting, not accepting. But people keep telling me I'm old enough to take all that shit, while people keep telling me I'm still a child and should live under their control. NOT FAIR AT ALL.

My power is jut too weak to change anything and my rights also tell me that I'm not allowed to do much. My hands are tight, but sitting here watching all that happening is so fu*king cruel. What's more hurt is I know I'm getting old. I'm getting cold. I'm gonna run right after my desires and become the people I hate.

I'm not a good kid so long, and I think I would never be. I'm not smart and intelligent enough to apply to a good college if i were in China, and I'm not a student that would spend 40% of my time doing studying, 40% for exercising and sleeping and 20% for entertainment. I have personality flaws. I'm not expressing myself we'll to the world. Hiding, lying, concealing. I feel confused about my own future: what would I be? Or, who would I be? What will my life look like? Of course everyone will be interested in those questions, and the answers are always be a successful/happy person and a successful/happy life. But how?