Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML
有什么比开心果更脆更好吃的？死在开心果里面的蚂蚁更脆更好吃。。。不要问我怎么知道的FML
Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML
今天，我去领取我的驾照，却被告知我需要一份出生证明复印件。为了拿到出生证复印件，我需要驾照或护照。为了获得护照，我需要一本出生证或驾照的复印件。我在想这到底是哪个煞笔制定的规矩。FML
Today, some girl punched me in the face and left a huge purple bruise. Apparently her boyfriend has been cheating on her with me because she always sees him walking me home. Her boyfriend is my older brother who didn't bother telling her who I was because "he wanted to see what she would do." FML
我哥哥最近交了一个女朋友，但是他并没有告诉他女朋友他还有个亲妹妹，他的目的是想看看他的女朋友看到他跟别的异性一起回家之后的反应，好吧，现在反应来了，我未来“嫂子”甩了我一个巴掌，到现在脸还是肿的，,FML
Today, I invited my very animal phobic boyfriend over. I have a dog and a rabbit, who are always well behaved so I insisted they wouldn't do him any harm. My dog peed all over his shoes and my rabbit furiously humped his leg and wouldn't let go. He's now even more terrified of animals. FML
男朋友有动物恐惧症，就是看到任何的小动物都会感觉害怕。而我们家养着一只狗狗和一只兔子，它们两个一只都很乖，所以我觉着它们应该不会吓到我男朋友，结果，当我男朋友来我家的时候，我们的狗在他的鞋窟窿里面尿尿了，然后我的兔子拉住他的裤脚不让他走。。。现在觉着他可能再也不会来我们家了。FML
Today, after a brief FaceTime session, I accidentally texted my father what was meant for my boyfriend. I had to downplay it, but it still made me want to crawl 50 ft below the earth and stay there a few days. FML
就在刚才跟老爸视频了一会儿，完了以后不知道为什么就给老爸发了一条短信来讨论我的男朋友对我意味着什么，我现在感觉我是全世界最不要脸的女孩，真想找个地缝钻进去。FML
Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML
今天全世界最帅的那个人来我们公司了，最为他的脑残粉，我负责带领他去我们老板的办公室，内心好激动的说，然后我就直愣愣的撞到了门框上，头上起了个大包，我们老板笑了我一整天。糗死了 FML
原文地址：http://www.shitmylife.cn/subject/info/11
有什么比开心果更脆更好吃的？死在开心果里面的蚂蚁更脆更好吃。。。不要问我怎么知道的FML
Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML
今天，我去领取我的驾照，却被告知我需要一份出生证明复印件。为了拿到出生证复印件，我需要驾照或护照。为了获得护照，我需要一本出生证或驾照的复印件。我在想这到底是哪个煞笔制定的规矩。FML
Today, some girl punched me in the face and left a huge purple bruise. Apparently her boyfriend has been cheating on her with me because she always sees him walking me home. Her boyfriend is my older brother who didn't bother telling her who I was because "he wanted to see what she would do." FML
我哥哥最近交了一个女朋友，但是他并没有告诉他女朋友他还有个亲妹妹，他的目的是想看看他的女朋友看到他跟别的异性一起回家之后的反应，好吧，现在反应来了，我未来“嫂子”甩了我一个巴掌，到现在脸还是肿的，,FML
Today, I invited my very animal phobic boyfriend over. I have a dog and a rabbit, who are always well behaved so I insisted they wouldn't do him any harm. My dog peed all over his shoes and my rabbit furiously humped his leg and wouldn't let go. He's now even more terrified of animals. FML
男朋友有动物恐惧症，就是看到任何的小动物都会感觉害怕。而我们家养着一只狗狗和一只兔子，它们两个一只都很乖，所以我觉着它们应该不会吓到我男朋友，结果，当我男朋友来我家的时候，我们的狗在他的鞋窟窿里面尿尿了，然后我的兔子拉住他的裤脚不让他走。。。现在觉着他可能再也不会来我们家了。FML
Today, after a brief FaceTime session, I accidentally texted my father what was meant for my boyfriend. I had to downplay it, but it still made me want to crawl 50 ft below the earth and stay there a few days. FML
就在刚才跟老爸视频了一会儿，完了以后不知道为什么就给老爸发了一条短信来讨论我的男朋友对我意味着什么，我现在感觉我是全世界最不要脸的女孩，真想找个地缝钻进去。FML
Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML
今天全世界最帅的那个人来我们公司了，最为他的脑残粉，我负责带领他去我们老板的办公室，内心好激动的说，然后我就直愣愣的撞到了门框上，头上起了个大包，我们老板笑了我一整天。糗死了 FML
原文地址：http://www.shitmylife.cn/subject/info/11
