【RonanParke】Attitude杂志采访全翻译（2019年3月份）

All these years onfrom Britain’s Got Talent, how do you look back on that period ofyour life?
I look back at itin different ways. It was mostly a positive experience, but there were certainthings that happened when I was young that I could look back and say ‘Oh I wastoo young to do that’. Being on social media was difficult. I was 12 and peoplewere saying this really negative stuff, and it was always about sexuality,always. I’d never spoken about it - I was really young, there was no need to.But it was nearly always about that and that was difficult to deal with. Andthe industry stuff: I parted ways with companies I was working with and becauseI was so young I didn’t see them as business relationships, I always looked atthem as friendships. I was so young and naive, I was like ‘These are myfriends, they really care about me.’ I wasn’t ready when it ended to not hearfrom people again. That was difficult, but as I say, I learnt fromeverything.
问：在参加英国达人秀的这么多年后，你是怎么面对你人生的那个阶段的？
答：我用好几个角度去回看。在很大程度上，它是一段积极的经历，但是有一些特定的在我那么年轻时发生的事情在我回看时令我觉得“哦，我做那些事情的时候太年轻了”。在社交媒体上是一件十分困难的事情。我当时12岁，人们一直在说一些非常负面的事情，这些事情全部是关于性取向的，全部。我从未说过这件事情，因为我真的是十分年轻，所以没有任何必要。接下来讲一些产业内的事情：我在很多方面和我当时在工作的公司合作而且因为我当时十分年轻。我没有把这种关系视为商务关系，我一直把他们当做朋友，我当时年轻又天真，觉得“这些人是我的朋友，他们真的关心我。”当合同终止时，我并没有准备好和他们断开联系。这是困难的，但是像我说的那样，我从我经历的所有事情中学习。

What were thecomments like?
Well as I said themajority of stuff was all about sexuality. I always knew who I was from a youngage and was very proud of it: everybody around me always knew, my family know;I never had to come out to anyone, ever. I never had to say to anyone becauseeveryone’s always known. And I never had any negativity about it until I wenton a big TV show and people’s opinions came into it. It was hard to acceptbecause it was something so personal that I’ve always been very happy and proudof, [and] it made me like ‘Oh, what do I do?’ Then people who I was workingwith, they didn’t want me to talk about my sexuality. They were like ‘It’s notthe time’. Because I had lots of young female fans, they didn’t want tojeopardise my career. But I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t proud of who Iwas, ever.
问：那些评论是怎么样的？
答：就像我说的，大部分那些东西都是关于性取向的。从一个很小的年龄开始，我从来都知道我是谁，而且我对它非常骄傲：所有在我身边的人都知道，包括我的家人也知道；我从没有必须要向谁出柜，从来没有。我从来没有必要向谁说，因为身边的所有人一直都知道。从来没有负面评论，直到我上了电视，人们的意见围绕着它而展开。这十分难以接受因为这是一件十分私人的事情，这让我觉得“我做错了什么？”然后和我一起工作的人们不想要我去谈论关于这个的事情。他们觉得“现在还不是时间”，因为我有很多年轻的女性粉丝，他们不想要这件事情危及到我的生涯。但是我从来都引以为傲。

So was ‘gay’ alabel you already identified with when you were young?
Yeah. I remembertrying to come out to my parents: I was young - I can’t remember how old I was,around 7 or 8 - and I went downstairs to the lounge and stood in front of theTV and got the remote and went ‘Mummy, daddy, I have something to tell you!’ Alldramatic [laughs] And they just went ‘Yeah, yeah, we know, you’re gay’, andthey just got the remote and unmuted the TV! I was like [dramatic gasp],‘What?! But they just always knew. And after that, I just never had to [comeout] to my friends. But I’ve always identified as a gay man and I’ve alwaysbeen very proud to say it.
问：所以，“同性恋”是一个你在小时候就已经确定了的标签吗？
答：是的，我记得我试着和我父母出柜：我当时很小，大概七八岁；我下楼到家里的休息室，站在电视前面拿着遥控器说“爸爸妈妈，我有些事情想要告诉你”。戏剧性的大笑后，他们只说了“嗯嗯，我们知道，你喜欢男孩子”，然后他们就拿走了我手中的遥控器，然后打开了电视的声音。我猛烈地喘息着，想着“什么？原来他们一直都知道”。在这之后，我就不需要再向任何我的朋友们出柜。但我一直都确定喜欢男孩子，也对这样一直非常自豪且骄傲。

It’s kind ofincredible that you’d not only have the self-awareness at that age but also thewherewithal to be so open and honest about it.
I think my family had a lot to do with it. Whatever I wanted it was like‘Yeah of course’. If you want to wear heels, wear some heels, if you want tobuy a Barbie, go buy some Barbies. I always knew I wasn’t like my brother: Ididn’t like football and racing cars, I always knew there was something[unique] about me. And being young, I was still proud of it. When I was turningfive I was jumping around on the trampoline in a pink tutu and one of my mum’sfriends made a comment and my mum kicked them out. She was like ‘No, that’s whohe is, he’s so happy being himself’. My family always drilled it into me that Ialways should be proud of who I am - it was never an issue until I went on theshow and people started using it as a negative against me
问：你既在那个年龄有自察力又有本钱去表现得开放和诚实真了不起。
答：我觉得我的家人跟这个有非常大的关系。无论什么，我想要的就是他们的肯定。如果你想穿高跟鞋，就穿高跟鞋；如果你想买芭比娃娃，就买芭比娃娃。我一直都知道我不像我的哥哥：我不喜欢足球和赛车；我一直都知道我有十分独特的一面。就算我十分年轻，我依旧十分自豪。在我五岁左右，我穿着粉色的短裙在一个蹦床里跳，我妈妈的一个朋友发了下牢骚，然后我妈妈把他们赶走了。她觉得这就是我，我也对这样的我十分开心。我的家庭一直给我一个根深蒂固的观念：我应该对我自己感到骄傲。这一切，在上台表演然后人们将它作为一个不好的特点抨击我之前，从来都不是一个问题。

Is there any abuse that still sticks out in your mind now?
It was offensive words, things like ‘faggot’ and ‘queer’, and just saying it in such a negative way. I’m like, ‘What is wrong with these people, I’m 12 years old?’ For all they know even I didn’t know who I was. I did, but I may not have.
问：有任何（精神）虐待现在依旧在刺伤着你吗？
答：那些令人厌恶的言语，比如基佬和酷儿，他们用一种非常消极的方式去说它。我就觉得“他们是有什么问题吗，对一个12岁的小孩？”(这句不会翻)

I think for a lotof people, if they’re called gay from a young age it can sometimes make itharder to discuss their sexuality, because they almost don’t want to provethose bullies ‘right’. After being so open before, did it make you defensiveabout talking about your sexuality?
I think it was adefence thing, like ‘You think you can label me? Well I’m not going to labelmyself then’. I think I did have that. I remember when I was 12 and I was doingpress training - this was nothing to do with Britain’s Got Talent, this wasafter - and I was sitting there crossing my legs and they were like ‘Don’tcross your legs in interviews.’ There were things they didn’t want me to do andthen I realised ‘I’m not being myself’. I’d be in interview sitting like this[crosses legs] and now I’m like this [puts legs straight down on the floor]. Itwas hard because there so many people saying these things, and making me feellike I was wrong to be myself.
问：我觉得对于许多人，如果他们在很年轻的时候被称作同性恋而遭受霸凌，那么他们可能会更难去讨论他们的性取向，因为他们几乎不想去证明那些霸凌是“正确的”。在那么长一段时间的开放之后，你是否对谈论你的性取向怀有戒心?
答：我觉得这曾经是一个让我有戒心的事情，我会觉得“你觉得你能给我贴标签？那么所以我不会给自己贴标签”。我觉得我曾经会有这样的想法。我还记得，当我12岁时，我在参与采访培训 – 这无关英国达人秀，这是之后 – 我当时坐在那交叉着我的双腿，他们觉得“在采访时不能交叉双腿”，然后我意识到“我不是在做自己”。我想要在采访中像这样坐着（交叉双腿），然后我想这样（把腿平放在地上）。这很困难，因为这些人说着这些事情，让我觉得我做自己是错误的。

Who was thatpressure coming from? Your label? Your management?
That was just apress trainer getting you ready for interviews. My mum spoke to them afterwardsand was like ‘That’s so inappropriate’.
问：这个压力是哪里来的？你的标签？你的经纪公司？
答：那就是一个在帮我准备面对采访的采访训练者。我的母亲在之后对他们说“这太不合适了”。

It’s so sad thissense of this self-consciousness was completely forced upon you.
Yeah, after Imoved on with different management I did a song called ‘Move’ and it was allabout dancing in the club with a girl, and it just wasn’t me. But because allof these different things had happened I was like ‘Well this is how I have tobe in order to be successful. I can’t speak about who I am properly. There hasto be ‘Ronan Parke the brand’ and ‘Ronan Parke the person’.
问：这种将自我意识强加在你身上的行为真的是太令人沮丧了。
答：是的，我去了另外一个经纪公司以后，我做了一个歌叫做“Move”，它完全是关于在一个女孩在夜场跳舞，那就不是我。但是因为所有这些不一样的事情发生，我就觉得“好吧，这可能是我应该要成功的必经之路。我不能正确地谈论我是谁。这必须是关于‘Ronan Parke’这个人或‘Ronan Parke’这个品牌”。

Coming out publicly must have been worked up into this huge hurdle in your mind?
I think because Ihad all these young fans I thought ‘Am I gonna lose my fans if I talk about it?’ And it was stupid to think like that but I thought like that, becauseother people had told me that’s what would happen. Even talking to you now,I’ve never spoken so openly, and it feels like a weight [off]. I’m like ‘Why haven’t I don’t this earlier?’
问：在公众视野中出柜一定让你的这个想法得到了改变吧？
答：我觉得因为我有这些年轻的粉丝。我曾经觉得，如果我谈论关于这件事，我会失去我的粉丝。这是十分愚蠢的想法，但我的确曾经这么想过，因为其他人已经告诉我会有什么事情发生（如果我那么做的话）。甚至对你讲这些事情，我从来没有这么光明正大的讲过，这就像一次减轻负担。我现在在想，为什么我不早点这么做？

What was the turning point?
I’m 20 now, andmoving to London was a huge part of it because I got to explore the community more. I didn’t know any other gay people where I was from. It was nothing I was trying to hide but I’d get comments from people like ‘Are you ashamed talkingabout it?’ The word ashamed really ticked me off, because that’s not the case.I would never want a young person to think I was ashamed or that it’s wrong totalk about it. I found it hard knowing I’d not spoken about it; it felt likethere was an elephant in the room. I mean everybody knew, it’s not a big shock,but it felt like I wasn’t talking about the obvious. And there was no reason why I wasn’t. That was the point where I was like ‘Ok I need to talk about it’.
问：你想法改变的转折点是什么时候？
答：我现在20岁了，搬家到伦敦是这个转折的很大一部分，因为我可以更多地探索这个群体了。在我的家乡，我不知道其他和我一样性取向的人。这不是我想要去隐藏，但是（如果我和别人谈论这件事）我会得到类似“你不觉得羞耻吗”这样的评论。“羞耻”这个词真的让我很生气因为我根本不想被这么看待。我从来不想一个年轻人认为我是羞耻的，或者讲关于这些事情是错误的。我觉得知道自己不能说这些事很难受的事情 –我就像一只关在房间里的大象。我的意思是，大家都知道，这不是一件大事，但是我没有去摆明了讲这件事。而且并没有原因为什么我没有去讲。这就是那个我觉得应该谈一谈的转折点了。