英译《孤独之美》 改帖 删帖
飞渡 发表于：2009.10.23 17:08修改于：2009.10.23 17:16
A Moment in Loneliness
Forgive this man lying
In the hammock. Leave his clumsy
Body to hang up from the mundane
For a moment. Leave him
Alone to be his own king,
Watching the poplars to crowd
Upward the heaven.
Through the foliage the sun
Shoots down its golden rays.
He, in the green gauze, is flowing
With the songs of birds.
The ants are busy carrying the dusk away,
The young cicadas come out of the soil quietly
After a long sleep underground.
In the evening of the woods there is
A tranquility, which enables him to hear
The rhythms of the earth.
The wind comes, washes his body,
Now a cobble, crystal clear.
His eyes moist with happiness,
No one find it. But he has found his self.
《孤独之美》
李寒
原谅他，原谅
这个躺在吊床上的人。
让他沉重的肉身悬离地面，
暂时与大地平行。
让他孤独，成为自己的王。
看一棵棵杨树向着天空簇拥，
阳光透过细密的枝叶，
射下纤柔的金线。
绿荫如轻纱，覆盖他，
鸟鸣如清水，淹没他。
他是自己孤独的王。
此时的一切，是属于他的一切。
蚂蚁在悄悄搬运黄昏，
沉睡地下多年的幼蝉，爬出了泥土，
而他，找回了自己。
暮色，这么快就来了。
树林中充溢宁静之美，
让他听见了万物的心跳。
晚风如流，冲刷着他的身体，
他像一枚卵石，正在晶莹剔透。
没有人看到，
他因幸福而泪眼模糊。
按：最近有时间，于是又玩起了译诗。贴在这里一来是问候大家一声，二来是想和各位探讨一种可能性，这个英文版或许称为改写更合适。
问好飞渡兄 回译一个 ：） 改帖 删帖
周旋久 发表于：2009.10.25 23:46
A Moment in Loneliness
Forgive this man lying
In the hammock. Leave his clumsy
Body to hang up from the mundane
For a moment. Leave him
Alone to be his own king,
Watching the poplars to crowd
Upward the heaven.
Through the foliage the sun
Shoots down its golden rays.
He, in the green gauze, is flowing
With the songs of birds.
The ants are busy carrying the dusk away,
The young cicadas come out of the soil quietly
After a long sleep underground.
In the evening of the woods there is
A tranquility, which enables him to hear
The rhythms of the earth.
The wind comes, washes his body,
Now a cobble, crystal clear.
His eyes moist with happiness,
No one find it. But he has found his self.
孤独的一刻
原谅躺在吊床中的
这个人。由着他
这一刻将笨拙的身体
悬在尘世之上。由着他
自己做自己的王，
观看杨树
攒向天堂。
透过枝叶，太阳
射下金色的光线。
他，在绿色的薄纱中，
伴着鸟儿的歌声流动。
蚂蚁忙着搬走暮色，
幼蝉悄悄地从土里出来，
在地下沉睡已久。
树林的傍晚中
一派宁静，他可以听见
地球的律动。
风吹来，冲洗他的身体，
此刻他是一颗鹅卵石，晶莹剔透。
他双眼噙泪，幸福
没人发现。但他发现了自己。
问好 改帖 删帖
飞渡 发表于：2009.10.30 04:12
周兄见笑了。我译的时候心里还想着李寒兄不要怪罪，只是有时觉得太忠实有时反倒有些怪怪的，比如说标题吧，译成英语后还是觉得含蓄点好，让读者在诗中体味那种快意与美。
这里再贴个尽量忠实的,但这样以来英文读起来就淡而无味了。因为刚开始做这个，所以有很多困惑，慢慢摸索，也希望听听大家的高见。
Forgive him, forgive
this man who is lying in the hammock.
Leave his heavy body to hang up from the ground,
To be parallel with the earth for a moment.
Leave him alone to be his own king,
Watching the poplars to crowd upward the heaven.
Through the thin and thick foliage the sun
Shoots down its soft rays.
The shades like the green gauze, cover him
The birdsongs like clear water, overwhelm him.
He is a lone king of his own.
Everything at the moment belongs to him.
The ants are carrying the dusk away quietly,
The young cicadas after a long sleep underground come out of the soil.
And he has found his self.
The dusk comes so soon.
In the woods there is a tranquility and
He can hear the heartbeats of all things.
The evening wind washes his body ,
He is like a cobble, becoming crystal
No one finds that
His eyes blur with tears of happiness
我个人也是喜欢含蓄的改写版多一些 改帖 删帖
周旋久 发表于：2009.10.30 21:13
晴朗兄原诗是否会因此伤筋动骨，可惜我们作为读者无从知道。要是由作者来揭示诗中奥妙，一定很有看头：）
飞渡 发表于：2009.10.23 17:08修改于：2009.10.23 17:16
A Moment in Loneliness
Forgive this man lying
In the hammock. Leave his clumsy
Body to hang up from the mundane
For a moment. Leave him
Alone to be his own king,
Watching the poplars to crowd
Upward the heaven.
Through the foliage the sun
Shoots down its golden rays.
He, in the green gauze, is flowing
With the songs of birds.
The ants are busy carrying the dusk away,
The young cicadas come out of the soil quietly
After a long sleep underground.
In the evening of the woods there is
A tranquility, which enables him to hear
The rhythms of the earth.
The wind comes, washes his body,
Now a cobble, crystal clear.
His eyes moist with happiness,
No one find it. But he has found his self.
《孤独之美》
李寒
原谅他，原谅
这个躺在吊床上的人。
让他沉重的肉身悬离地面，
暂时与大地平行。
让他孤独，成为自己的王。
看一棵棵杨树向着天空簇拥，
阳光透过细密的枝叶，
射下纤柔的金线。
绿荫如轻纱，覆盖他，
鸟鸣如清水，淹没他。
他是自己孤独的王。
此时的一切，是属于他的一切。
蚂蚁在悄悄搬运黄昏，
沉睡地下多年的幼蝉，爬出了泥土，
而他，找回了自己。
暮色，这么快就来了。
树林中充溢宁静之美，
让他听见了万物的心跳。
晚风如流，冲刷着他的身体，
他像一枚卵石，正在晶莹剔透。
没有人看到，
他因幸福而泪眼模糊。
按：最近有时间，于是又玩起了译诗。贴在这里一来是问候大家一声，二来是想和各位探讨一种可能性，这个英文版或许称为改写更合适。
问好飞渡兄 回译一个 ：） 改帖 删帖
周旋久 发表于：2009.10.25 23:46
A Moment in Loneliness
Forgive this man lying
In the hammock. Leave his clumsy
Body to hang up from the mundane
For a moment. Leave him
Alone to be his own king,
Watching the poplars to crowd
Upward the heaven.
Through the foliage the sun
Shoots down its golden rays.
He, in the green gauze, is flowing
With the songs of birds.
The ants are busy carrying the dusk away,
The young cicadas come out of the soil quietly
After a long sleep underground.
In the evening of the woods there is
A tranquility, which enables him to hear
The rhythms of the earth.
The wind comes, washes his body,
Now a cobble, crystal clear.
His eyes moist with happiness,
No one find it. But he has found his self.
孤独的一刻
原谅躺在吊床中的
这个人。由着他
这一刻将笨拙的身体
悬在尘世之上。由着他
自己做自己的王，
观看杨树
攒向天堂。
透过枝叶，太阳
射下金色的光线。
他，在绿色的薄纱中，
伴着鸟儿的歌声流动。
蚂蚁忙着搬走暮色，
幼蝉悄悄地从土里出来，
在地下沉睡已久。
树林的傍晚中
一派宁静，他可以听见
地球的律动。
风吹来，冲洗他的身体，
此刻他是一颗鹅卵石，晶莹剔透。
他双眼噙泪，幸福
没人发现。但他发现了自己。
问好 改帖 删帖
飞渡 发表于：2009.10.30 04:12
周兄见笑了。我译的时候心里还想着李寒兄不要怪罪，只是有时觉得太忠实有时反倒有些怪怪的，比如说标题吧，译成英语后还是觉得含蓄点好，让读者在诗中体味那种快意与美。
这里再贴个尽量忠实的,但这样以来英文读起来就淡而无味了。因为刚开始做这个，所以有很多困惑，慢慢摸索，也希望听听大家的高见。
Forgive him, forgive
this man who is lying in the hammock.
Leave his heavy body to hang up from the ground,
To be parallel with the earth for a moment.
Leave him alone to be his own king,
Watching the poplars to crowd upward the heaven.
Through the thin and thick foliage the sun
Shoots down its soft rays.
The shades like the green gauze, cover him
The birdsongs like clear water, overwhelm him.
He is a lone king of his own.
Everything at the moment belongs to him.
The ants are carrying the dusk away quietly,
The young cicadas after a long sleep underground come out of the soil.
And he has found his self.
The dusk comes so soon.
In the woods there is a tranquility and
He can hear the heartbeats of all things.
The evening wind washes his body ,
He is like a cobble, becoming crystal
No one finds that
His eyes blur with tears of happiness
我个人也是喜欢含蓄的改写版多一些 改帖 删帖
周旋久 发表于：2009.10.30 21:13
晴朗兄原诗是否会因此伤筋动骨，可惜我们作为读者无从知道。要是由作者来揭示诗中奥妙，一定很有看头：）
