3.原文：Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
翻译：今天，我结婚9年的老公告诉我说他是搞基的。他甚至还暗示我说，他和我在一起的时候能硬起来，是因为我长得比较爷们。
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4.原文：Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML
翻译：今天，我男友和我决定试试X菊花。当他结束了以后，我转过身来，发现他面带微笑地拿着一个绑在腰带上的橡胶JJ，对我说：“现在来X我。”
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5.原文：Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves.
翻译：今天，我被我老爸突然造访我宿舍的敲门声所吵醒。我把门打开对着在门外的他打招呼，这时候我的室友脱光了衣服拉开了门，亲了我的脸颊，用一种超级搞基的声音说“昨晚你真棒”以后跑了。
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6.原文：Today, I sent an email to my best friend, telling him that I'm gay. When I was typing the email address in the "to:" field, it autocorrected the address to my mother. She just responded: "you filthy faggot". FML
翻译：“今天，我发了封邮件给我最好的朋友，告诉他我是同志。当我在输入“发送到：”那一栏的时候，系统给我自动更正成了我妈的邮件地址。她只回复了一句：“你这肮脏的蛆虫。”I

7.原文：Today I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver, they drank too much and on the way home hooked up in the back seat. FML
翻译：今天我和俩我感兴趣的男生泡吧。第一个是我这个学期一直想约的人，第二个是和我吃过一次饭、看起来还不错的男生。我被指定为司机，他们喝的是在是太多了，然后他们俩就在后座上勾搭上了。
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9.原文：Today, I was running late for work so instead of walking the ten minutes to the office, I took a taxi. The driver took the opportunity to share the story of his first sexual experience with a man. In great detail. FML
翻译：今天，我上班要迟到了，所以我没去走那十分钟的路程而是打了辆出租车。这司机抓住这一大好时机，向我讲述了他第一次和男人OOXX的故事。具体而又生动。
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11.原文：Today, I decided to introduce my girlfriend to my parents by telling them that we were gonna have a very special guest for dinner. While my mom was preparing the meal she asked, "What does he like?" I'm straight. My parents thought different. FML
翻译：今天，我决定把我的女朋友介绍给我的父母，就告诉他们晚餐的时候会有一位特殊的客人到场。我妈在做饭的时候问我：“他（注意是‘他’）什么样啊？”我取向正常。可我父母不这么想。
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12.原文：Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML
翻译：今天我和GF XXOO的时候不小心在高潮时把她叫成了布拉德（我室友的名字）。现在她和她的朋友都觉得我是基佬，布拉德搬出去了。
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13.原文：Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML
翻译：今天，**来我家来调查一份虐 待儿童的投诉。然后我就花了一个多小时来解释我是帮我儿子上了栓剂（需要塞进菊花里的药）。我的邻居听见我的儿子歇斯底里地啜泣着：“爹地，为什么你要把那个放到我的屁股里？好痛……”我邻居听见了，以为我在强X我儿子。
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14.原文：Today, I finally convinced my husband of 8 years to partake in a threesome with a guy that works with me and for which I have developed feelings. Everything was going well until in the heat of the moment my husband started performing oral sex on my colleague. I can't face either of them now. FML
翻译：今天，我终于说服了我结婚8年的丈夫和我，还有我建立了感情的一个同事搞3P。一切顺利，直到做得很火热的时候我的老公开始给我的同事吹箫。我现在不能面对他们中的任何一个了。
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序号标错了，将就着看吧