What's the biggest cause of paedophilia in this country?
Sexy kids.
为啥世界上会有恋童癖这种人存在呢？
因为有性感的儿童。

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.
The man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
His wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
The man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
一男的带着一只羊进了卧室
他老婆躺床上看书。
男的说，你头痛的时候我就是和这只猪**。
老婆说，这明明是羊。
男的说，我就是在跟羊说话呢。

Man hires Chinese P.I.... Chan Lee, to watch to see if his wife is being unfaithful...!
2 days later, he gets a report:
Most Honourable sir.
I watch house.
You leave house.
He came to house.
He and She leave house.
I follow.
He and she go hotel.
I climb tree and look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip.
She strip.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
I fall out tree.
I not see.
No fee.
（男的的老婆出轨，他跟到宾馆偷看，然后XX，从树上摔下来。）
讽刺Chinglish。
哈哈,咱chinglish这不是也挺好懂的么。

再来几个嘲笑中国人的，似乎他们丫也没什么新花样，就是人多，长得像，眼睛小。
Why do we need research into human cloning?
China perfected it years ago.
为啥我们还要研究克隆技术呢？
中国早就已经搞得很好了
The other day, my girlfriend told me that I was one in a million.
I thought, "Great, she thinks she could find a thousand more people just as good as me in China."、
我女友说我是她万里挑一的对象
我想，好吧，她觉得在中国她能找到十几万个跟我一样好的人。。
Designers of the London Olympic stadium have been advised to use lower power floodlights than the ones used in China after they noticed that 90% of the crowd seemed to be squinting.
伦敦奥运会体育馆用暗一点的灯吧，没看北京奥运会的时候观众都被灯照得睁不开眼了吗。

Fact: The google maps streetview of the whole of London was compiled using the Flickr account of just one Japanese tourist.
google街景里头伦敦部分是用一个日本游客flickr里的照片拼接起来的。
百度来的：Flickr为一家提供免费及付费数码照片储存、分享方案之线上服务,也有提供网络社群平台。一般认为Flickr是Web 2.0应用方式的绝佳例子。

My wife started complaining about a fly buzzing around the room, but a few smacks solved that problem.
The fly started to get kind of annoying though..
我老婆刚在抱怨一只苍蝇在屋子里嗡嗡的飞来飞去。我打了一下就解决问题了。
虽然苍蝇还是很讨厌。
（你打的是你老婆吧。。）

I totally smashed the world record today for holding your breath under water 8 minutes 48 seconds.
It all started when the small girl at the swimming baths said to her Dad " that's the man there Daddy"
今天我以8分48秒的华丽丽战绩打破了世界水下憋气记录！
就是因为那个穿着泳衣的小女孩说
“爸，就是那个男人！”
——（快说你对小女孩做什么了！）

Girls: If you get a message from your boyfriend saying that he wants to "kick your puppy", don't call the RSPCA... He's just not very good at predictive text.
妹纸~
如果你男朋友发短信说他想“kick your puppy"
别打电话给皇家防止动物虐待协会
这只不过是输入联想问题。


我又来更新鸟~
I said: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said: Well, you've succeeded.
Cunt.
我说："自从我第一眼看到你，我就想和你疯狂的做ai"。
她说："你不是做到了吗"。
**！


Just seen a Facebook group: 'Dear mom, I'm wearing skinny jeans. Seriously, If I can't get them off, neither can the rapist.' Challenge Accepted.
在群里看到这样一条
“妈妈我穿了条紧身小腿裤。你放心，紧到连我自己都脱不下来，流氓不可能脱下来的。”
爷想试试。


There's two things I hate about my son's new partner: He's black.
我对儿子的新对象有两点不满
他是个黑人。

Every night I have a recurring dream that my best friend is sucking my dick. Should I tell him that he's gay?
我每天晚上都梦见最好的朋友在舔我的JJ
我是不是应该告诉他他是个gay？

Max Factor mascara makes eyelashes appear three times longer? Max Factor should make condoms.
蜜丝佛陀睫毛膏拉长效果可达三倍~
蜜丝佛陀应该去生产避孕套。

What's the most sensitive part of your body when you're having a wank? Your ears.
打飞机的时候身体最敏感的部位是哪里？
耳朵。
这个为什么？求科普

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong socks before I went for a walk.
为什么精子会过马路？
因为我出来溜达的时候穿错袜子了。
再求科普。