"How many likes do you think we'll get?"
"That's gonna depend on the photo."

"We met on OKCupid three months ago."
"What were your usernames?"
"MiriamsDad."
"SallyForth13"

I run a cloud computing business. It's 24/7 of demanding decisions. It's completely absorbing and can take your soul if you aren't careful. It's a great business. But there's more to life than business."

"My three year old daughter has figured out how to unlock my phone. Now she's always calling people and saying 'hello' over and over."

"I don't understand my feelings. Sometimes I feel sad and I don't know why. Then sometimes I feel silly, and I don't know why either. Now I feel 'wow,' because this is my very first interview."

"You've got to watch what you say around her. She's 4 going on 104."

"I have trouble fully committing to things I'm good at."
"Why do you think that is?"
"The Smoke."

"They say it's gonna snow tomorrow. Well I just got a bottle of whiskey. So let it fucking snow."

"It was an unhealthy relationship. The last thing he said was that he'd kill himself if I left him, but I just kept walking. I saw him a couple weeks ago, actually."
"Still alive?"
"Still alive."

"After my divorce, I couldn't sleep. I tried everything. I ended up going to a skating rink every night, where I'd skate until I was unconscious. I eventually got so good that I turned semi-pro. I was actually all set to tour with Cher as part of her show, but then the bottom fell out of roller skating."

"Hold on. Let me fix my posture so my mom doesn't worry."

"I used to have really bad social anxiety. I'd be so afraid of saying something awkward and uninteresting, I'd stand on the perimeter of conversations and not say a thing. Which ironically came across as awkward and uninteresting."

"We met when she came into a thrift store where I worked. We both loved clothes and dancing. She's my best friend, my roommate, and my wife. I'm not even joking, we've been legally married for 14 years."