sorry.
besides, i talk with u about learning Chinese many times, but u just keep saying its hard.... i wanna tell u nothing is easy. i know its hard so thats why u never try. maybe u dont need to learn becuz if we break up, then u will regret wasting so much time learning Chinese. u always say u will do everything for me, but honestly i dont expect u to do anything. u just say u will, yes, u will, but not sure which day, right? i dont think its difficult to learn alphabet but u never try, u never know.i dont like sweet words, that makes me lost. action speaks louder than words. sometimes i just think u r not into this relationship to much. sometimes i feel confused but i never say. u dont need to pay attention to all these. a Chinese saying"if u r serious, then u lose." can best describe my feeling now. i wish i never met u, so i dont need to suffer all these.

他的回复:
Mobile hotspot, and blue tooth babe. I don't exactly live on the city :/ no it's not hard for me to write a letter, it's not hard for me to do anything. You doubt so much that you'll receive a letter just because I didn't register. But look you registered the 2nd letter and it still got lost. That has nothing to do with it because either way it can still become lost. You'll get it just stop doubting that you will. As for telling me what's wrong. Sometimes I know you are feeling upset. That's why I take special care to ask you what's wrong, and are you ok? But sometimes you just say "yeah I'm fine" :D even though I know you aren't :( :( I can't be there to hug you and make you feel better and everyday I feel like crap when I think about it because I can't. I'll always be with you and I'll always love you babe. It's not I don't care. Learning chinese babe. You realize I am doing this. But that stuff doesn't happen overnight, that takes time. I'm going to do it.

If I could make that happen instantly I would. As for the letter.... I worked on that letter for a long time when I wrote. You just kept asking me to write it as I was already writing. I want to make things special for you so I take my time on them. That's why. Not because I'm not doing them at all. I know you don't like waiting but sometimes I have to make you wait to make it unique and special. Otherwise I would just be giving you the same old thing every single time and there would be no variety. I like to keep you surprised, I like to keep you thinking about what I might give you. I want to tell you that I don't realize that I cause you so much pain always, I'm sorry for that. The closest mobile hotspot is a 30 min drive away babe. I don't live in NYC. I live in Lyons. These neighborhoods are rural. Not like Rochester where it's a huge city. I already do everything in my power to be able to make you feel good. Apparently I fail at that.......... I thought I make you happy.

But I guess I don't :( :( :( :( :( just want to say I love you so much and I hope You understand that I really do put every effort I can into our relationship. I work at that everyday. When things don't happen instantly it's because it's either I'm trying to make them unique for you and working hard or it's just harder because whatever it is isn't readily available. But that doesn't mean I want it to upset you or I want it to make you mad. If anything because I know you get mad and upset now I'm just going to work harder on them :( :( I love you so much and I only want the most happiness I can get for you. I promise I would do anything for you. I just wish you could see my love....and I really wish I could make things happen quickly for you sometimes. Like learning chinese. I would love to do it for you :(

现在更新一下寄信的事吧╭(╯ε╰)╮
第一次寄信在Penny的帮助下，很成功的寄出去了，只用了13天，他收到信也炒鸡激动的~拍了好几张照片给我~

可是可是可是我饿的第二封信到现在已经25天了。。杳无音讯。。是和ten ten一天寄的。。她的早就到了，我的还不知道在哪里次奥，明明已经到美国了，这些人也太不负责了吧明天我去邮局问问，如果还是查不到信到哪里了，我就投诉！！！太过分了！！难道是被扣留了？！！可是信里面又没有违禁物品！！！次奥到底是什么原因延误了这么久！！！我还挂号的好不好！！！至少你要给我寄到啊！！！寄不到也要给我退回来啊！！！真是太不负责了！！！！！！！！！

昨儿个刚和Penny抱怨完，都打算去邮局问问，没有动静的话就打算投诉了，然后今天早上垂死挣扎最后一次，又上USPS上查了一下信的动态，结果就更新了！！！在new york了！！次奥！！耽误了这么久终于开始动了！！stupid先生预估他星期一能收到信o>_<o好迫不及待呀~btw，今天我会去寄第三封信哦~~~因为六月我会死在考试里，所以趁现在时间多，一口气写了五封信~让他慢慢看去o>_<o

miss him badly today

从星期四到今天就没有好好的聊天。。还好星期三的时候视频了一下。。不然真的把人逼疯了他的手机没有流量，只能用爸爸的，通常在我这里凌晨4.30到下午4.30的时候他享有手机使用权，我8点上课，开始和他聊天，大概10点左右的时候他妈妈要用手机，然后在下午2点左右时他才能再次拿到手机，但通常在这个时候，他的网络是非常操蛋的，让我一度怀疑他是否在地球上，通常每隔半个小时回复一次，在等回复的时候我还能无干扰的睡上一觉醒来还不一定有回复〒_〒 好吧，今天也是这样的，大概中午12点的时候说上话了，12点半时他妈妈用手机，2点左右他终于拿到手机了，然后网络开始操蛋了，就像便秘的人挤大便一样每隔半个小时回复一次好，现在4.48pm，他差不多要交手机了，今天的聊天结束〒_〒

最近的状态一直是浑浑噩噩。。应该说从开学来以后我都不知道学了什么首先是满课，然后高口笔试，再是专四〒_〒整个人都不好了。。。4.19号考试结束到现在，快一个月了，我都不知道我做了什么〒_〒尤其是周末，一晃眼就过去了。。。宅在宿舍，和他坑比的网络做着斗争，无聊的刷贴吧刷空间刷人人刷淘宝这个学期也不知道学了什么，转眼就要过去了-_-#真的炒鸡担心期末考。。。因为就没学习过。。。平常上课和他聊天，空闲时间各种玩手机看部电影逛个街也好啊-_-#我的大好时光都荒废在手机上了。。。本可以奋斗成一个学霸。。本可以瘦成一道闪电。。本可以。。。做个梦也好啊。。。

最近的心情很沉重啊〒_〒
似乎又到了分手季节了。。今天一天就看到好几对异国恋人break up了。。。最讨厌看到别人分手了，尤其是看到你关心的人分手了，心情真的很不爽。。(不高兴)很容易被别人带动情绪T^T
不管怎么样，wish u all the best....
记得以前看过这么一句话，everything is good in the end, if it isnt good, then it isnt the end. 现在把这句话送给你们，girls, dont lose ur heart

今天我又是满课，所以只有中午12点到下午两点半有时间，我们昨天说好要视频的，try to make it。。。因为通常他妈妈十点左右的时候要用手机，用到下午一两点的样子，这样的话，我们就不能viedo chat了〒_〒于是今天9点就让他早早的把手机献给母后陛下，争取能在12点拿回来到了12点05的时候，他还没有回复，一瞬间就感觉再也不会爱了我中午请假例会都不开，屁颠屁颠的跑到机房里，在QQ上给他发了international calls的介绍，下了个电影，争分夺秒的腾时间，连饭都没吃次奥，结果一场空。
正当失落之际，这家伙在kik上回复了他在帮他妈妈不知道做什么，说马上就好了，于是我兴高采烈的等啊等等啊等等啊等。。。从12点半等到了将近2点他的操蛋网又出问题了。。我真怀疑他是不是居住在地球上在我心灰意冷，收拾东西准备上课的时候，他终于吱声了虽然只剩半个小时就上课了，我们还是视频了，到上课了才挂断今天聊的还是很欢快的网络没有操蛋太久

下午的时候我们谈到了online relationship。。谈到了一些情侣最终还是break up了。。。其实我对这种relationship还是unsure的，不是doubt him，而且doubt distance，距离这么远，总是只能靠网络靠app保持着联系，偶尔能视频能语音，似乎觉得离他更近了，可是其实还是遥不可及，也或许是可及的，but the two should be Strong enough...
我觉得，异国恋这种事，就算分手了，也不是真的因为出轨了有新欢了，真的只是tired of distance，then lose faith，谁不愿意和近在身边的人在一起，谁又乐意饱受折磨去尝试这种远距离跨国恋？真的，就算有一天真的 break up了，只是感情不够扎实，信念不够坚定而已。。。
难过的时候你不能抱着他哭泣，开心的时候他无法在你身边和你一起分享，这是很残忍的事。总是在饱受距离的折磨，不知道何时才能像正常的情侣一样，想想真的很难受。
最后，还是只想说，wish u all the best....包括我的stupid先生。。。all the best。。就算有一天要向现实投降

今天他收到我的第二封信了
昨天晚上给他留了好多言〒_〒因为有种强烈的insecure的赶脚。。。然后今天我们就这个问题聊了好久，心里终于舒服多了真的很希望你的家人和朋友都知道这段关系，我不想maintain a secret relationship。。。