懒姑凉来更新鸟。
A young polish girl said to me "do you want a 69 with me?" I replied "I'd rather have a 1939" she asked what that was...... So I proceeded to invade her
一个波兰姑娘问我愿不愿意和她玩69，我说我倒想玩玩1939，她问那是什么，然后我就侵犯了她
==============================================================
1939德国入侵波兰。
invade既有入侵的意思也有侵犯的意思~


卫生巾是pad， 那ipad不就是。。。。！！！！！
就是。。。。。。。！！！
当年一代刚闪亮登场的时候全人类都耻笑过乔布斯一遍了。。。
ipad ，我的卫生巾~ 亲，多买包邮哦，用完吸收效果好要评五星呦~


I dont wear my hoodie because I want to stab you,
I wear my hoodie because im black and I dont want to be stabbed by policemen.
我穿帽衫不是因为我想拿刀刺你。
我穿帽衫是因为我不想**看出我是黑人然后
拿刀刺我。


So, earlier today, I was watching one of my family's cats hitting a cord hanging from our blinds for about 10 minutes or so, and I started thinking 'jesus, the ****ing stupid animal is so damn easily amused'
And then I realised that I'd been staring at a cat playing with a string for ten minutes.
那个，今天，我看见邻居家的猫玩我家百叶窗上的挂绳，一玩就是10多分钟。
我想，我嘞个老天爷，这个傻猫也太容易自娱自乐了吧~
然后我意识到自己看它玩儿也看了10来分钟了。
（哈哈，你不是也一样）

If I had a pound for every time someone called me stupid, I'd have £2.50
如果每次有个人说我傻我就赚一块钱的话
那我现在应该有两块五了。
（这个也米有看懂= =)

Stayed up all night trying to remember if I have amnesia or insomnia.
整晚都在使劲回忆，我到底得的是失忆症还是失眠症来的？

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."
And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?
我收到一封老板的电邮
“摩根先生，抱歉的通知你，尽管公司可以接受你患有注意缺陷障碍，但是恐怕你创造性欠缺。所以请你周三来公司收拾你的东西吧。衷心地希望你OK。
然后我突然发现，OK看上去真像个侧着的人啊~


ADD，英文缩写，医学上指注意力不足过动症（Attention Deficit Disorder），就是注意缺陷障碍，最主要的症状是频繁地、不自觉地走神。
百度来的。 这个讲的好隐晦- -

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered mothers from China use? Toothpicks?
考虑到母亲们怎么用小小号的勺子和叉子给她们的宝宝喂饭，然后我就纳了闷了，中国的娘咋办啊，用俩牙签喂？

Today I got up and did my normal routine, Shit, Shower and shave.
April Fools........I'm Muslim.
这个应该是昨天的：
今天起床后我例行公事，便便了，洗个澡，刮刮脸。
愚人节快乐！……我可是穆斯林来着。
这个也够racism的。够狠吧，既不，又不，也不……

A French man, Scottish man and a Jew are sitting on a bench.
The French man says, "Oh je suis so thirsty, I must 'ave some wine."
The Scottish man says, "Ochh ay, I'm so thirsty, I must have some scotch."
Then the Jew says, "I'm so thirsty, I must have diabetes."
一法国人一苏格兰人一犹太人坐在长椅上。
法国人说，俺咋这渴，俺一定整上点葡萄酒来。
苏格兰人说，诶俺咋这渴，俺一定整上点威士忌去。
然后犹太人说了，俺咋这渴涅，俺一定整上点糖尿病了。

日本地震那个，Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes
Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes
And eyes and ears and mouth and nose
Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes
Said the Japanese aid worker sorting through rubble
这是首童谣，你看歌词 “脑袋，肩膀，膝盖，脚趾头”
就用来给小孩带动唱的。
在这里，是说，日本人被海啸都冲的七零八落的没全乎的了。
会不会太损了。。

My scouse nephew came over to see me for my birthday today, with a 52 inch flat screen TV.
"Look at this I picked up on the way here for you Uncle" he said, "it was as cheap as chips".
"Cheap as a bag of chips, eh?" I replied.
"Well I had to pay the toll fare through the tunnel, didn't I"
我侄子从利物浦过来给我庆生，带了一52寸平板电视。“我路上顺手弄了这个给你，叔，”他说，“白菜价。”
“花了买颗白菜的钱，啊？”我说。
“哦，我总得付过桥过路费吧，有木有”
……利物浦那个地界儿……好吧……

来一长的
Little Johnny was walking home from school with his mum, telling her about his day..."Mummy, at playtime, I saw Daddy's car go into the woods Aunty Jane was with him".."Oh ",said Mum," carry on".."
Then, me and Jack sneaked out and followed them and saw them kissing and..".."Stop!" Said Mum,"Why don't you save your story and tell us all tonight, so Daddy can hear too".
So at the table , little Johnny, told them.."I saw Daddy's car go into the woods near school and me and Jack went into the woods. We saw daddy kissing Aunty Jane then they took their clothes off and did that thing what Mummy and Uncle Bob do when Daddy's at work".. Mum fainted..
The moral of this story is;
Women should always shut up,listen and let people finish before interrupting.
意思是：
小约在放学回家路上跟妈叨叨说，我玩的时候看见爸把车开进小树林了，车里坐着珍姨，我偷偷跟着去看，看见他们亲嘴了，还有……妈说，住嘴，等晚上给大家一起讲吧，你爸也听听。晚上在饭桌上小约给他们讲，我看见爸开车进了学校旁边小树林，就跟过去了，还看见爸亲珍姨，然后脱光光，然后干了点爸上班去的时候妈跟鲍叔干的事。
这故事教育我们：
女人应该一直闭好嘴，好好听，别打断人家说话，让人家好好把话说完！
= = = = = = = = = = =

还有一个是半个人。。